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Accepting My Current Self

This is my time of the year.

Halloween is my holiday spirit animal, our favorite annual conventions are around the corner, I adore Christmas, we get to chill with family, friends, and food around Thanksgiving through the end of the year, my birthday is in late December, etc.

In short, I’m an over-excited hot mess.

I’m decking the halls with giant spider webs, jack o’ lanterns, and skulls.  I’m assembling a kick ass costume that I’ll use for Fincon Expo 2017, Halloween, the Renaissance Festival, and the Board Game Geek Convention.  I’ve started hoarding Christmas gifts for others as I see them.  I’m in my seasonal happy spot.

Why It’s Harder to Write

But during moments of inactivity, I take emotional punches straight to the face.  I dwell.  I dwell on the people that aren’t here anymore.  I dwell on the baby that didn’t happen.  I dwell on my insecurities and short-comings.  I dwell on not being the happier, less wrung-out, younger version of me…the me who started this site back in 2010.

I want to be a positive person that others enjoy being around.  I still love helping and aim to make others laugh.  I crave connections.  But it’s like there is less of me.  All of the qualities that combine to make me are on a dimmer switch being operated by a squirrel on crack…all extremes.

Accepting Myself

My main goal for the rest of this year is to truly accept my current self.  I’ve earned some of my pointier edges.  I’m more empathetic to others because I have more life experience.  I don’t suck.

Do you ever need to remind yourself to be nicer to yourself?  Dwell much?  What tricks help you get back on track and feel re-balanced?

FYI:  I worked at a dead end cubicle job from 2005-2011 for about $30,000 per year.  I went self-employed in July 2011 and make between $70,000-$90,000 through blogging, professional pet sitting, hubby's reffing, and our rental home.  If you’d like to start your own site (link to my free step-by-step guide), I highly suggest checking out Bluehost (my referral link with a nice discount for you, PLUS a free custom header banner from me!).  Please contact me any time at budgetingfunstuff*at*gmail*dot*com with questions or just to brainstorm! I’d love to help!
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7 thoughts on “Accepting My Current Self

  1. When I start getting down on myself for long periods of time, I have learned that a couple sessions of hard cardio will get things going. It’s definitely hard overcome the instinct to be lazy, eat bad, and do nothing, but it really does provide some sort of chemical release that tends to break me out of my funk.

  2. I find that I am my own harshest critic. So knowing that I am always reminding myself to be more kind and forgiving to all, including myself. I used to dwell a lot but it only made me sad. I wasn’t productive when I was dwelling all the time.

    A vacation, spending time with friends, being around water, being outdoors in nature, etc are all great tools that help me rebalance. Awesome friends that help keep you motivated and on the right track are priceless. You are a great example. 🙂

  3. I live in the County of Dwelling, zip code all to myself. Depending on the time of day, I try meditatively cuddling the dog (which almost always turns into a grooming session), reading a funny book to distract myself, or going for a walk. Or working on something that needs about half my brain.

    We all change over the years with our experiences, bright or negative, our characters wouldn’t develop so well if we didn’t. Without grief and loss and pain, I wouldn’t be the person I am today and I like this me better when I take the good changes into account. You’re a thoughtful person, and you can better understand things that you wouldn’t have years ago as a result of your life over the past several years. I’m glad to know you and have you be an auntie to our little dinosaur.

  4. When you are finished decorating, you should take some photos. I love the spiders coming down the webbing, all of the vinyl covered windows, your wall decorations, and all the little rats, skeletal or otherwise! We saw some skeletal barking dogs today and thought of you.
    I too started thinking of people who have gone to a better existence today, and happily sat in my car wondering where they would have gone if they were still here and had the time. So then I thought about going to the Big Bend area….one thing led to another. I have planned out several trips I did so long ago I do not remember them much. Made me feel good to know I could think of people who are no longer with us and remember some of the very good times. Enough so, to plan on using acquired stuff to retrace some of my past. It has been a while since I could be positive about anything from the past, much less the present. Finding what you love to do and investing in it can really perk you up.
    I dwell too much, especially when I am tired and not feeling my best. A nap or walk, finish a small project, or even start a new one all seems to make me feel better or distract me enough to get on with life. Regrets, feeling guilt, and all of those self-flagellating type exercises are like living in your worse version of the past. You know you had good times and you have to know there will be better ones down the road. Problem is inertia always bogs you down at various points in your life, but sometimes you have to stop and catch your breath anyways.
    Enjoy the Holiday Season. Look for new ways to enjoy all that you love and take care of yourself. With everything that has been going on for last 2 years, you are probably waiting for even worse to happen. I think after Harvey, Irma, Maria, and the Fires of California; you probably have plenty of traumatized company.

  5. I used to live entirely in my head, beating myself up about the tiniest little thing every time. I think I’ve naturally gotten over it over the years, but I think meditating has helped too. I’m not talking about the crystal-healing-coffee-enema woo weirdness, but like actual guided, scientifically-proven meditation. It helps me to just let things go.
    Case in point: at a Toastmasters meeting the other day a speaker talked about how she volunteered with handing out weighted teddy bears to mothers who’d lost their babies. We’re supposed to chime in after the speakers, and I told the whole group how great I thought it would be if I had a weighted teddy bear. About halfway through saying it, I realized it was a terrible thing to say given the circumstances she’d just laid out. But whatever. I was able to acknowledge it, and consciously drop it from my head and move on. The rest of the meeting went fantastic. I don’t think I would have been able to recover from something like that before meditation trained me to pick and choose which thoughts I want to have and dwell on. I use the Headspace app, it’s great!

  6. I dwell on not being the happier, less wrung-out, younger version of me…the me who started this site back in 2010.

    This sentence spoke out to me. I think it’s part of getting older and accepting we are young but not as young as we used to be. That took my some time to realize. I hope you continue this blog and even if it’s not money related I will most definitely come back and keep reading. As for the baby that didn’t happen that one is hard. give your self time to grieve and take time. Maybe its not apart of your path but it also happens to be apart of who you are. That one took me a long time to accept but im starting to dare to say be happy and realizing that a lot things I want to do I cant with a baby in tow and it wasn’t as happy & easy as sort of dream of it to be. Granted I have 2 kids and I love them but I always imagined myself having 3. I’m starting that to process that I may only be blessed with 2 and its very hard. Lots of tears but im getting there. Hope for you and your husband and your wonderful support around you. Your amazing lady with a big heart who loves animals and just helps any one in need.

  7. @Money Beagle, I’ve been exercising more (mainly because I wanted to be physically stronger) and feel better about myself because it is working. But I don’t actually feel better after workouts mentally, lol. I usually want a nap. But I have heard it works for many!!!

    @Joshua Crum, yep, friends are everything some days. Mine keep me balanced.

    @Revanche, I’m honored to be an appointed auntie to that little hell raiser. 🙂 All the hugs!!!

    @Me again, I took pictures! It did turn out well this year, right?! Yeah, too many traumatized people lately.

    @Lindsay, that’s huge progress! I still have moments where I replay an interaction to death, but they are getting fewer and further between. I’ve learned to just say “Sorry, put my foot in my mouth and down my throat on that one,” and move on too. It’s been way easier than dwelling.

    @teinegurl, yeah, accepting and moving forward is harder than expected. We’re trying again now and will know in a few weeks if this one takes. Thanks for the kind wishes and for reading! I’ll keep blogging!!!

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