Everyone says compromise is the key to good relationships – marriages, friendships, family stuff, etc. Well, sometimes compromise isn’t meeting-in-the-middle as much as it’s who-has-to-suck-it-up.
Humans are Hard
Lately, my life has been a big juggling act of online work, pet sitting, home life, friends, family, and volunteer stuff like Big Brothers Big Sisters and becoming a cat adoption counselor. More often than not, feelings get hurt with the human stuff. Pets are simply easier. Know why? Because we are all fighting to feel important, earn brownie points, and somehow get our piece of the pie of life too. We are not inherently a what-can-I-do-for-you-without-ever-getting-anything-out-of-it species.
Yes, we love the other people in our lives. Of course we don’t mind going out of our way with them. Right? Yet, how often do you feel slighted by a friend that blows you off or a spouse that doesn’t seem to acknowledge your contributions? It’s apparently super normal to feel that way and the really weird thing is that the other person is probably feeling exactly the same.
Me and My People
I work a lot. I get exhausted. I feel like my husband and my friends and our families should just pat me on the back for being awesome and then I should get a vacation. Well, my husband and my friends and our families are busy too. They also want back patting. They also wish everyone would notice how awesome they are. And unless everyone gives everyone else the benefit of the doubt, there ends up being stupid arguments about who’s the most tired or does the most in any specific relationship. Or feelings are simply hurt when someone feels like the other person doesn’t care as much as they do.
It’s absolutely dumb and yet it’s there. Of course the healthy way to deal with it is to try to see stuff from the other person’s point of view. But the tired part of ourselves just wants everyone to shut the heck up and bury our heads in the covers. For me, it’s 50/50 on which way I cope.
The good thing is that solid relationships are flexible enough to deal with everyone’s bouts of what-about-me’s. The bad thing is that I think it’s not humanly possible to avoid the stupid stuff indefinitely.
People Worth the Hard
In the last month or two, I have had crappy interactions with nearly everyone in my life. It’s all worked out, and we all have made up. But isn’t it exhausting to think about the fact that it will most likely all happen again and again and again for as long as you know that person? The smart thing is to make up, move on, and to stubbornly keep the people in your life that are worth making up with pretty regularly.