New to BFS?

If you are new to Budgeting in the Fun Stuff (BFS), please click here. It'll give you a little background and a starting point for browsing BFS. See you in the comments soon!

Categories

As Seen On

Forbes

Yahoo
DailyFinance

Get Rich Slowly

House Logic

Check Out My eBooks!!!

How I Make Money Blogging Managing Your Monthly Nut

I Do Not Feel Money Guilt

WARNING – Today’s post is not from perky Crystal.  It is from frustrated Crystal.  It is a rant.  Check back some other day for happy and peppy again, lol.

Our roommates are awesome.  I mean, sharing our home with anyone was obviously going to be a little tough, but our two friends that live in the guest bedroom try really hard to be considerate and helpful while they work their way through college.  They are great.

BUT, one of their mom’s hates me.  No worries, the feeling is mutual.

Why I Don’t Like Her

There are many reasons that we don’t like each other, but here is what it boils down to:

  • She is mean to her future daughter-in-law (our roommate).
  • She tries to constantly emotionally manipulate her son (our other roommate).
  • She is sneaky…she literally “stole” a bag of chips.  I mean, she didn’t pick them up and eat them like a normal person would.  She carefully palmed a bag and put it in her lap to eat later when she thought I wasn’t looking.  That sneakiness worries me.  I don’t care about chips, but what else would she take if she thought she could get away with it?  And why did she feel the need to sneak away the chips?  That is just weird.  This is why she actually is no longer allowed in our house after her first two visits.  They visit her at her place instead.
  • She has no drive.  She does have tons of education, thinks she knows everything, but any time an opportunity pops up, she turns it down.  Despite that, she whines to our roommates constantly about how much her life sucks.

Why She Doesn’t Like Me

According to my roommates, when I am not around, here are several things she says about me:

  • I run an “oppressive household”.   (I like things to be picked up in an area once people are done with it…like trash being thrown away in the kitchen after your done eating and leaving the area for the night…)
  • I’m arrogant.  (Ummm…everybody is allowed their opinion)
  • I spoil my dog.  (Mr. Pug eats expensive vegetarian dry dog food because of his allergies, but she thinks I am coddling him)
  • My roommates think her biggest problem with me is that I have money.  Money I worked for and budgeted with, but she is not well off, and they notice that she tends to resent people with more money than her.

Point of this Post

I will never apologize for having savings.  It makes no sense to have money guilt.  I sympathize with anybody suffering through bad times.  I try to help anybody I can, strangers and friends alike.  I have volunteered with Meals on Wheels and now volunteer weekly for the local hospice.  BUT I will never feel guilty for what I work for, invest, and save.

My point of view is simply that we all have something to work with.  During bad times, we can use our brains to see how we can make them better. During good times, we can put money away for bad times.  And in all of the time in between, we can all use our own available resources towards our priorities like needs, then savings, and then wants.  Overall, even when I was a broke college kid, I made the best of what I had AND NEVER held it against anybody else around me for having more.  I am in charge of me and that’s it.

So, that said, yes it sucks that people are starving unnecessarily.  It sucks that bad things happen to good people.  It sucks that some people were born into absolutely horrid circumstances.  Feeling bad, whining, and venting are all valid ways to release emotions.  BUT, stop whining if you refuse to do anything about it.  AND stop holding it against me if you are jealous.  Jealousy is normal, being a douche about it is not.

And that’s my rant for the day…

Anybody else need to let anything out?  :-)

Be Sociable, Share!

37 comments to I Do Not Feel Money Guilt

  • Amen sister.

    I try to instil this in the BF. Just because literally everyone in his family and most of his friends are financial hot messes does NOT obligate him to help and he should NEVER feel guilty.

  • I think your last point on why you don’t like her is the most significant – she has no drive! Given that you are ambitious and doing well for yourself you have JEALOUSY!

    Too Bad For Her…

  • Crystal, get used to the money envy thing – it will only get worse. It’s the same if you’re fit or slim or get promoted at work. People who put in the effort, whether it be for their own money, their weight, their fitness or their career, usually get the reward.

    I all it the Gary Player syndrome. The famous golfer was usually hated in America, because he’d beat Arnold Palmer and Jack Nicklaus, the home town favorites. One day, as he sank a long put, someone in the gallery yelled, “Luck shot!” Gary turned around, looked the fan in the eye and said, “You’re right. That was a very lucky shot. But here’s the funny thing: the harder I practice, the luckier I get!”

    You are paying the price in many ways to get to a place of financial security. You’re not inheriting it or winning the lottery. That woman (don’t you just like the way you can spit that out) has the same opportunities you have, maybe even more. We all know the rest of the story.

    But my point is this: you’re going to find that attitude of jealous resentment more and more. Some of your new neighbors even may have it. When you’re 40 or 50 (I mean, how old is that!) you will still be hearing it.

    What you need to do is have nice Jack in the Box dinner with Mr. S and figure out a humorous comeback to just cut that thing down before it settles on you. That attack is a fixture on the lives of every financially successful person. Best to figure out early in the game how you’re going to respond…

  • Actually, I believe my post today at my site is the nearest thing to a rant I’ve done recently! It also has to do with people potentially being douche-y! lol

    I tell ya, the spoiled dog thing — here’s what I think. You can pay your bills right? You’re not living off the system, right? You’re not stealing money from people, right? You’re not free-loading off people (like stealing chips), right? Then WHO CARES what you do with your “extra” money!! I’ts YOUR money!So long as you’re paying yoru bills and not living off the system, then no one should get an opinion on what you do with your money! You could burn $500 a month in a bonfire outside and no one shoudl pass judgment! So you buy your dog weird expensive food, so what? What’s it to her? Man, people these days….

  • Wow, the stealing thing would make me very worried if she was about to be my mother in law.

  • WOW to the stealing thing. And like TB said-it’s your money and you pay your bills so you can do what you want with it. And yes, I have a few issues with some random people (I love when they say it’s time for a new car and think we can go out right now and buy it. Or that “we need to stop saving so much for blah blah blah” or that we have the money in savings, so we should just take it out, becasue that’s what its there for. Sigh, I think that’s been on my mind a lot lately.

  • Wow.. I can see why she hates you…

    1. You care for others (Mr. Pug and your roommates who otherwise would have to put up with this Shrew)
    2. You have a plan (Financial)
    3. You want others to have respect for you and your place (cleanliness).

    She’s obviously had a tough time in her life and it sounds like she’s resentful. Smile more to her, keep true to yourself, and if one of the new bricks to the house is lying around.. well, you know ;)

  • Hallelujah! We get this sort of treatment all of the time. The people who are always wanting us to to spend our money on things that they want to do are the same people who are envious of the money we are able to save. Of course, they don’t see the correlation between saying “no” to yourself and savings. Great post!

  • People are often most jealous of those they wish to be. Sounds like she doesn’t want to put in the work so she finds ways to hate you instead of admitting she wishes she was in your position. Sucks for her.

  • Haters gon’ hate!

    We “spoil” our dog with dehydrated raw food (also because of his allergies), have his nails cut every few months, and make sure he can go outside to potty every few hours. you would not believe some of the looks we get when people find things info out. I just don’t understand it!

  • I am Psychiatrist and my advice is – only conversation can help in different conflict situations!

  • While you’ve got builders with hole digging equipment….

  • BEST. POST. EVER!
    You could be writing about a couple of my own relatives here. It amuses me when people who are lacking any initiative then get jealous and nasty when others succeed. Sadly, I have dealt with this my whole life with a couple relatives. Crystal, you will NEVER win with people like this. My advice is just to ignore the woman and not allow her in your home.

  • @Jen, I was totally going to say haters gonna hate too! haha.

    But seriously. Haters gonna hate. I agree with the others. People are going to be jealous and resentful of things they want. Especially so when they just don’t want to put the effort into obtaining it. Don’t let what these haters say get you down. You have earned everything you have by working hard and there is nothing wrong with that!

    This woman sounds like a nightmare. And I absolutely don’t blame you for not wanting her around. I certainly wouldn’t either.

  • @EEMusings, exactly.

    @Savvy Scot, yep.

    @William, I actually do not mind people being jealous, but they need to either work at making it better for themselves or just shut up. ;-)

    @TB, I like a good vent so I will head on over. :-) I think it’s hilarious that I am “spoiling” my dog simply by buying him food that won’t make him sick. It’s not expensive out of choice, lol. It’s expensive because it is one of the few soy-free vegetarian foods on the market…and yeah, my money, my choice, hahaha.

    @W, my roommate thinks so too. She is hoping they never have to tell the woman where they live…

    @BogofDebt, I was just happy to have something fun to write about for once. Once I made it clear she was never allowed in my house again, it was like the problem just disappeared. Sorry you are pressured. My family thinks we spend too much and my in-laws think we save too much. Can’t make everyone happy, lol.

    @Joe, I know, I’m a frickin’ monster… ;-) Love the brick idea…

    @Greg, thanks!

    @Lance, yep, sucks for her. :-)

    @Jen, they can all suck it. My poor Pug seems to be allergic to everything. If a $50 bag of food every 6 weeks keeps him healthy, so be it.

    @Jason, LMAO!!!

    @Denise, yeah, sorry you have select family members that just suck. Good luck!

    @Madison, I love “haters gonna hate”…I even saw a meme about it with a funny kitten…great slogan. :-) Yeah, my anger about the whole situation evaporated when I made sure that everyone knew this woman could not enter my house anymore…

  • It’s possible that this woman has a problem like depression that is keeping her from seeing all the options she has and contributing to her behavior issues. It’s not your place to help her with her issues, but you may want to mention to her son that perhaps she needs to see a therapist or something.

    You can still vent about her, though. ;-) It’s a healthy way to clear away some of your frustrations.

  • Have you seen the “Haters gonna hate, Slaters gonna slate” meme? HILARIOUS.

  • Relationshiops put more strain on us than any task at work ever could. I’m sorry you have to deal with jealousy. Good for you for not listening to her whine, but realizing that you have worked hard to be where you are today and don’t have an ounce of guilt about it. Like William said above, it will probably only get worse…

  • @Linda, yep, totally possible.

    @Frugal Portland, I am going to Google it now…

  • @Jacob, probably. It’s just nice to have a place to vent, lol.

  • Ugh sounds like a horrible mother in law for your friend! But like the others said, haters gonna hate and she sounds jealous.

  • Okay, so now that I have laughed so hard I am crying, I am going to try and type my comment…way to go Crystal! Good for you for not letting her opinion of you get to you. I am glad to read you are not letting her in your house as you do not need to spend any amount of time with someone like that. I feel bad for your room mates…they have to continue seeing her. Have a great time next week!

  • Why do the envious completely disregard the years of toil it takes to reach a semi-comfortable point of financial stability? It is not as if those dollar bills just sprouted from your rump—ignore that cheeky old git. Or poison your chips.

  • Some people need to just learn to stay out of other people’s business. You really shouldn’t have to deal with her. She seems a little off from what you stated.

  • What’s the old expression – the more I see of people, the more I like my dog? :)

  • LOL @ MyCanuckbuck! My husband says we’re not anti-social, we just don’t like anybody. :P

    Because I make a fair bit more than most of my peers, and most of my friends, I try not to talk about money much. That said, we have a nice (mortgaged!) house, two car in good condition (one paid for), and expensive hobbies – but we don’t travel to two or three hot destinations yearly, either. It’s all about choices and priorities. You’ve made yours, and you can afford them. If she’s jealous, that’s her issue.

    Enjoy the spoils of your hard work!

  • Some people of NUTTS! What else can you say. Can’t please everyone else so keep doing what you are doing. I actually like Frustrated Crystal!!!

  • ODWO

    My thoughts (and sifting thru’ everything said):

    Don’t get involved with “others” drama. They are your (room mates and) friends, but you are also a landlord. Sometimes that makes for stressing situations when decisions have to be made. The “mother” makes play of the situation, and the rent the room mates pay is (I’m guessing?) pretty cheap .. considering the alternatives.

    The “bag of chips” mentioned: Ever loan someone $100 and they suddenly disappear? never to repay the loan? (IMO…) Treat any theft as such. Money well “lost.” those types should not be allowed back.

    Kris (above) makes a good point … NOT talking about money made, earned, or even spent on things like your home, and other “things.” You had a post quite a while back … something about “does money change people?” … I said “yes, it does.” that also includes others, besides the one(s) with a balance sheet. With Responsibility comes a different set of rules … I also like Cassi’s short, to the point post too.

    you know what they say about dancing …. it takes 2 to tango. That’s a dance to “sit this one out” and (an opportunity to) think of a plan B in case it gets to that point. Fairness is one thing … getting sucked into (fill in blank) is another. Think “Proactive,” “ahead of the game” results. And don’t worry what others think … or (especially) how something looks. Find the balance or cut it loose. JMHO. :) (and forget about who’s envious or not, in fact, bar them from ever coming by. if “her kids” don’t like that idea …. well, guess what!!! there’s a fix for everything)

  • I am sorry she hates you..or strongly dislikes? Its sad that she feels like you are being selfish or unfair just for having more money than her. Is there any way you can limit your exposure to her? If someone really hated me that much, I would do everything in my power to avoid her as much as possible.

  • Hi Crystal, I’ve been lurking around your website for a few months now (found you through GRS). But I thought I would finally comment since this post generated some thoughts for me that I wrote about on my blog: http://chronicallyillfinances.wordpress.com/2012/09/03/the-why-money-guilt/
    In short, I definitely have money guilt — and I realize that that is where a lot of my feeling and life choices stem from. I’m still deciding what I want to do with that money guilt. Enjoying the site!

  • [...] @ Budgeting in the Fun Stuff writes I Do Not Feel Money Guilt – Stop whining if you refuse to do anything about your current situation. I do not feel [...]

  • [...] @ Budgeting in the Fun Stuff writes I Do Not Feel Money Guilt – Stop whining if you refuse to do anything about your current situation. I do not feel [...]

  • [...] @ Budgeting in the Fun Stuff writes I Do Not Feel Money Guilt – Stop whining if you refuse to do anything about your current situation. I do not feel [...]

  • [...] @ Budgeting in the Fun Stuff writes I Do Not Feel Money Guilt – Stop whining if you refuse to do anything about your current situation. I do not feel [...]

  • [...] presents I Do Not Feel Money Guilt posted at Budgeting in the Fun Stuff, saying, “Stop whining if you refuse to do anything [...]

  • [...] @ Budgeting in the Fun Stuff writes I Do Not Feel Money Guilt – Stop whining if you refuse to do anything about your current situation. I do not feel [...]