Don’t die of shock. This is not a statement that I am actively trying to get pregnant (I’m NOT). I am still leaning towards the idea that children are not for me right now, but I have officially gone from “Oh, HELLS NO” to “Ummm. Maybe?”.
My View of Having Kids
If you have been reading BFS for a while, you may have noticed that I sort of cringe at the idea of having kids. I’ve named off a bunch of reasons over the years, but here is what it really boils down to:
My shallow reasons…Kids in general are messy, sticky, and go through a ton of bratty stages. I also think babies are generally really ugly, poop way too much, cry way too much, and would completely screw up my figure more than donuts ever have (yep, good ol’ vanity). Teenagers are just nuts (I still remember how I acted). And did I mention how messy kids can be? I really, really like my brand new, shiny house. I’m not ready to have crayon on the walls (if I get lucky enough that they don’t use markers) or stains on all of the bedroom carpets.
My deeper reasons…I think that raising children is a huge responsibility that not enough people take seriously. I would take it very seriously and don’t want to deal with that. It takes time, patience, energy, and flexibility. I don’t have all of those traits at the same time…ever. It also means that the world stops revolving around you (you know what I mean) and it starts revolving around this little life that you are in charge of not screwing up.
My deepest reason…What if my kid wasn’t like us? My husband and I met in the Honors College dorms on our college campus. We both were academically lazier than we could have been back then, but we have the ability to learn easily. We both like to learn (different topics interest each of us, but we both like knowledge in general). I also seem to be able to read people pretty well and socialize. What if our kid isn’t like that? What if it is disabled physically or mentally? How would we be able to handle that without being bitter, awful parents?
Plus, Mr. BFS hasn’t wanted kids either, so it was just a no brainer.
So, what’s changed? Nothing really. All of my reasons against having kids are still there. But I’m 30 and want to make sure I look at all of my options before I get to 35. I was old enough to remember my mom having both of my younger sisters. The pregnancy seemed pretty normal at age 32 but way harder at 38. I know that the longer I wait, the harder it will be. I also know that it is just easier to raise a kid before your age slows you down.
So I have been thinking. My shallow reasons for having a kid can be handled pretty easily. Yeah, kids are messy, bratty, etc. And yeah, I will have a post-pregnancy belly. But I think that stuff isn’t really all that important in the big scheme of things.
As for my deeper reasons, the older I get, the more I think I could handle taking parenthood seriously and not minding. I also think I could give up the figurative spotlight and actually enjoy watching a new, little life get way more attention than me. Plus, I know that my friends, and hopefully all of you, would still talk to me and make me feel special, lol.
And for my deepest reason, I guess everybody worries if their kid will be their own definition of normal. That really isn’t something that we can control. If I have a kid that is a lot like us, it would probably be easier. But if I have a kid that needs more help or has some sort of disability, I guess we could handle that too without being crappy parents. It would just be harder and probably more expensive. I’ll just have to hope.
Mr. BFS has also gone from “Oh, HELLS NO” to “Meh”. So he would most likely swing whatever way I do overall.
In the Meantime
So, there you go. I am JUST THINKING about having a kid. I will let you know if I actually make up my mind at any point. I also know that our decision one way or another won’t mean crap if we just can’t have kids or something like that. But making up our minds is definitely the first step. We’ll revisit this on and off over the next few years until we really know what we want to do.
In the meantime, I will hopefully get some more time around children just to help. I let my friends know that I am up for babysitting overnight again. I also am attempting to become a Big Sister in the Big Brother Big Sister program. I started the process a couple of weeks ago.
My interview with a program rep is tomorrow. I already filled out all of the paperwork, submitted the docs they needed, and completed an online training course (with a perfect 100% on the quiz, thank you very much, LOL). Even if having kids isn’t for me, I’ve always enjoyed volunteer work and I need to get back into it. I stopped volunteering with the local hospice when we were moving late last year and have started getting that inner-volunteer push again.
Plus, I may not be perfect, but I think I am a pretty solid role model for kids. And I do enjoy being around kids as long as they are not screeching or tearing up my house. :-) In fact, I have had a great time with kids pretty much every time I have hung out with them outside of my home in the last few years. I hope the interview goes well and I can get matched to a “Little” soon. I’ll let you know how this works out.
So, what is your view on children? Yay or nay? Did you always know? What made or helped you decide?